Dark Side of Motherhood

Disclaimer: I hesitated to publish this blog because there are some that might misinterpret my intentions. However, I believe there are some that will read this with a sense of validation and others that might have a clearer understanding of what every mom goes through. So, to clarify, I love being a mom. I love Kati Ann and consider myself richly blessed to have a healthy, happy child.

I have been sick since Monday night. I'm not exactly sure what I had but I was running a pretty continuous fever for 3 1/2 days. As you might have read in previous blogs, KA hasn't been feeling very well either. Not the best timing because well neither of us are feeling good and that doesn't leave me with the option of being sick.
But reality is that I was. During the day, my body ached and I was exhausted yet I had a 5 month old to take care of. KA was continually cranky with hurting gums and her daddy still has a job to go to. I was waking up at night drenched with sweat from fever and at the same time being woke up almost every hour by KA not feeling good herself. Jared is very sweet to help and in fact he did. He would take KA in the living room and try to calm her so that I could go back to sleep but as long as I could hear the crying my heart would hurt and I would lay there trying to keep myself from jumping out of the bed to take care of things. How is a body to heal when it gets no sleep and is still constantly in demand (still breastfeeding, mind you)?
It is at this point that I realize that there is a dark side of motherhood. A point when you are so tired and so sick that you're body has nothing left to give yet is still being demanded upon. You realize at that moment that it never ends; the responsiblity. Thankfully, I'm starting to feel better this afternoon and I do truly enjoy the responsibility b/c it comes with such a sweet joy attached but there was a moment when I got a glimpse of the dark side.

P.S. I took KA to the dr. and it turns out she didn't have an ear infection. In fact, she just had a little cold and teething. Guess I knew more than I thought.

Officially sick!

So, my baby came back from TX last week with a little bit of a runny nose. My mom thought she might have a cold but it was clear so I decided it was just associated with teething. I gave her some medicine and it cleared up no prob.

She continued to be fussy though and restless every night. We weren't getting much sleep at all. Still, I thought this was part of the teething process and well...this too shall pass. We woke up Sunday morning and there was more snot and it was thick (you can tell I'm a mom...who talks like this?). I worried they wouldn't take her in the nursery at church with a runny nose but they said that as long as it was clear we were okay and it was probably just associated with teething. She threw a massive fit in the nursery and they paged me to come try to calm her down but to no avail. My child was in pain...those darn teeth.

But today I may have discovered the true culprit...an ear infection. I took her to the sitter still singing the "teething song." I get a phone call around 2 while shopping at Wal-Mart saying that KA has been miserable all day and that she's afraid that she has an ear infection. So, I leave my cart at Wal-Mart and hop in the car calling the pediatrician as I drive. Busy signal. So, I keep trying and eventually call Jared who trys while I'm picking up KA. We can't get anyone at the dr.'s office. How frustrating! So what do I do? I pick KA up and drive straight to the pediatrician's office because I can't get them on the phone. Of course, they won't see you w/out an appt. but at least I got a message to the advice nurse and an appt with the pediatrician at 8:30 in the morning. Sometimes it takes walking in when they won't answer the phone to actually get something done!

So, I talked to my friend that is a pediatric doctor in the NCU at Huntsville Hospital and she told me the dosage of pain medicine I could give KA to make it through the night. Right now she's laying next to me sleeping and I'm praying for some sleep tonight for all the Allens that have had a rough last week with very little sleep.

Crawling Lessons

So Jared has decided that he can teach KA to crawl with "crawling lessons" It is really sweet to watch them on the floor practicing to crawl. Jared puts her on one side of the room and he gets on the other and he tells her to crawl to him. It is kinda funny since she's barely rolling over!

There's nothing sweeter

I've been feeling a little down the past couple of days. I think its just exhaustion but there's nothing like taking my sweet little girl in my arms and just loving to make a heart warm. She just loves me. Her smile warms my heart and she is always so excited to see me.
Exhaustion is worth it when you have that sweet face looking at you adoringly as if to say, "Mom, I'm your biggest fan!"

Daddy comes home today!!

Its been 11 days since we put Jared on a plane to Japan and he finally comes home today. We are very anxious to see him especially his little girl. She's crazy about her daddy. So much so that she's starting to chew on the furniture in anticipation! We've talked to him on the computer with Skype and she lights up when she hears his voice.

She's become more interactive since he left so I know that he will enjoy playing with her more when he gets home.

Just a few more hours and we'll pick him up from the airport. We're so excited.

So you wanna know what it was like to be pregnant with KA?

I was watching KA in her bouncy seat this morning and I realized that the way she played in that bouncy seat was much like how she played in my tummy. She managed to get herself in all kinds of positions and was constantly moving...both in the bouncy seat and in me. Anyway, it made me think how glad I am to enjoy her outside of my tummy instead of in!

Tummy or Teeth?

KA has been a little less than happy the last few days. Well, that's not completely true. She's happy during the day but at night time she's had fitful sleep. Saturday and Sunday night we got up every hour!! Where is this coming from? and where is her daddy to help me?

I can't figure out exactly what's going on? We started cereal so that she would sleep better and she did the first night but then I think it may be bothering her stomach some. I can't really be sure.

Someone also suggested to me that she might be teething. That could be it. I'm not sure. Anyway, she did sleep well last night for which I'm very thankful. She is such a joy and no matter how many times I get up I'm so blessed to have a sweet little girl to get up with during the night. We have a blast together.