Disclaimer: I hesitated to publish this blog because there are some that might misinterpret my intentions. However, I believe there are some that will read this with a sense of validation and others that might have a clearer understanding of what every mom goes through. So, to clarify, I love being a mom. I love Kati Ann and consider myself richly blessed to have a healthy, happy child.
I have been sick since Monday night. I'm not exactly sure what I had but I was running a pretty continuous fever for 3 1/2 days. As you might have read in previous blogs, KA hasn't been feeling very well either. Not the best timing because well neither of us are feeling good and that doesn't leave me with the option of being sick.
But reality is that I was. During the day, my body ached and I was exhausted yet I had a 5 month old to take care of. KA was continually cranky with hurting gums and her daddy still has a job to go to. I was waking up at night drenched with sweat from fever and at the same time being woke up almost every hour by KA not feeling good herself. Jared is very sweet to help and in fact he did. He would take KA in the living room and try to calm her so that I could go back to sleep but as long as I could hear the crying my heart would hurt and I would lay there trying to keep myself from jumping out of the bed to take care of things. How is a body to heal when it gets no sleep and is still constantly in demand (still breastfeeding, mind you)?
It is at this point that I realize that there is a dark side of motherhood. A point when you are so tired and so sick that you're body has nothing left to give yet is still being demanded upon. You realize at that moment that it never ends; the responsiblity. Thankfully, I'm starting to feel better this afternoon and I do truly enjoy the responsibility b/c it comes with such a sweet joy attached but there was a moment when I got a glimpse of the dark side.
P.S. I took KA to the dr. and it turns out she didn't have an ear infection. In fact, she just had a little cold and teething. Guess I knew more than I thought.